the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
MIDGETS
????
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
