My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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