So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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