I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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