it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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