we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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