Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
