i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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