My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
