the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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