Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
