He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
