this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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