I wanna bring you to show and tell
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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