Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
