I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
