I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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