I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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