Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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