Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
