he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
