i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
