I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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