just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
