would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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