i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
