"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
