i just wanna soil my oats bro
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
