So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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