After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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