One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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