I think I died a long time ago.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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