Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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