ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
