she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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