farters have to be the big spoon...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
