I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
