She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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