It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
