It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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