No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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