ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
