I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
