Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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