I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
