Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
