tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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