youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
