All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
