worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
