She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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