The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
