Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Your cock deserves a montage
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
