I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
