I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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