just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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