Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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