my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
