i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
