dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
