people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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