the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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