Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
