I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
This is my gift to your gina
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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