Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
now i know why i became what i already was.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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