I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
