I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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