I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
