shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
