is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
