hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
