There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
sex in a hospital.. check
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
