I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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