i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
