note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I love you.
Bad choice
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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