So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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