I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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