i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
