Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
