by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
