someone get that fucking seahorse.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
birth control should be required to get into college
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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