at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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